


Advanced Friendship

by onemechanicalalligator



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e11 G.I. Jeff, Fix-It, Friendship, Gen, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28753641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onemechanicalalligator/pseuds/onemechanicalalligator
Summary: Yes, it's another post-G.I. Jeff fix-it. This time featuring Shirley.
Relationships: Shirley Bennett & Jeff Winger
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	Advanced Friendship

Jeff closes his eyes as his friends start to take their leave from his hospital room. Britta and Annie lean down and give him hugs, and Abed and Hickey wave goodbye, and the Dean tries to get a hug, too, but Hickey drags him away. Jeff savors the quiet when it comes, but he also misses the laughter from his friends, which made this whole thing seem like a funny mistake and nothing more. He clings to the mug in his hands and wonders if that’s all it  _ is.  _ If he actually got away with it. 

“Jeffrey.” 

The voice startles Jeff out of his thoughts and his eyes fly open. Shirley is sitting in a chair next to his bed, her hands folded in her lap. The look on her face tells Jeff that, no, he did not get away with anything. He sets the mug on the bedside table, and then he takes a breath and prepares for Shirley’s wrath.

It’s not what he expects. He’s ready for anger, for yelling, for guilt and shame and passive aggression. He braces himself for it. But it never comes.

Instead, Shirley dissolves into tears, vulnerable in a way Jeff has never seen her before. She covers her mouth with one hand and leans forward with her elbows on her knees, and she holds one hand up to Jeff as if to say,  _ just give me a minute.  _ Jeff is at a loss, so he just lays there and waits, tries to figure out what to do.

When Shirley stops crying, she pulls a tissue out of her purse and carefully wipes her face. Then she stands and takes a step toward Jeff, hovering for a moment until he motions for her to take a seat on the bed, and she does. She spends a little while smoothing out the blanket over and over, and Jeff thinks maybe she’s trying to get her hands to stop shaking.

“Jeffrey,” she finally says again. “We almost lost you. What were you  _ thinking?” _

“I’m sorry,” Jeff says quickly. “It was a dumb mistake, I--”

“Do I look like a fool?” she interrupts, her voice sharp and her eyes fixed on his.

Jeff looks down and shakes his head. 

“I’ve known you for a long time,” she continues. “I know  _ you’re _ no fool, either. I believe you’re insecure about turning 40, but no way do I believe you were that careless with alcohol and strange Korean youth pills. Would you please tell me what’s really going on with you?”

Jeff blinks a couple of times, frozen, and Shirley softens.

“I’m just worried about you, sugar. I need to know if you’re okay.”

“I’m not,” Jeff says, surprising himself. His mouth is dry, and he clears his throat. “Shirley, I…” He waves his hands helplessly, mouth open as if to speak, but no more words come. She hasn’t employed any of her usual tactics, but he finds himself feeling small and ashamed all the same.

“You what, baby?” she asks gently.

“I made a mistake,” he finally says, his voice breaking. “I got scared of turning 40, of getting old and having done nothing with my life. Just-- just being stuck here, like a failure, with no family or career, drinking too much, systematically destroying every good thing in my life…” He shakes his head. “I panicked, and I just thought, you know,  _ I could be done now. _ None of it would matter, I wouldn’t feel so scared and sad, it would just be  _ over.  _ It just seemed like maybe it was...enough. Maybe 40 years was enough, and there’s no point in sticking around when-- when there’s really nothing left.”

“Do you believe a single word of that?” Shirley asks pointedly, taking his hand in both of hers and squeezing. 

Jeff shrugs, then shakes his head and feels the tears start to roll down his cheeks. Shirley scoots closer and wraps her arms around him, cradling the back of his head against her shoulder and rocking him gently.

“I fucked up, Shirley,” he sobs. “I didn’t-- How could I-- What was I--” His breath begins to speed up as he trips over his words and Shirley rubs his back.

“Shh, shh, shh,” she says soothingly. “It’s okay, baby. Let it out.”

Jeff does, then. He lets himself get lost in it, in all of it, letting himself feel all of the hurt and fear and confusion and frustration and anxiety that he’s been pushing down for  _ so long. _ He lets himself gasp and gulp and  _ howl, _ and he doesn’t even care, because he’s safe with Shirley, he trusts her with this. He doesn’t know how long it lasts -- seconds, minutes, hours. He cries until he is empty, until his muscles all relax after being perpetually tense for as long as he can remember, until he’s out of energy, until he starts to pull away, and Shirley hands him a tissue box and then, once he’s cleaned his face, a cup of water from beside the bed. 

When he finally looks up at her, there’s a sad smile on her face.

“Better?” she asks, and he nods. “When was the last time you let yourself have a good cry like that?”

“Maybe after this bully named Big Cheddar beat me at foosball,” he says dryly, and Shirley looks horrified for a second, until the corner of Jeff's mouth quirks into a smile, and she bursts into giggles. 

“You’re going to just associate crying with me forever, now,” she says. “But I think I’m okay with that.”

“Thank you,” Jeff says. “For real, I...” He shrugs. 

“I know, sugar,” she says, and then takes his hand back in her own. “Look, I know we’re different people with very different lives. But I do understand a little something about growing older, and the fear that comes with it. And the worry that you didn’t do what you should have done, or what you were supposed to do, and the uncertainty of living a life you never imagined. I know how scary that is, how much it can hurt. But you can’t let it consume you. Things may not be what you expected, but who’s to say they aren’t better? I believe God has a plan for us, and He knows what’s best.” She holds up a hand before Jeff can comment. “I know you don’t believe that. But even if you’re just depending on the universe or... _ whatever, _ it’s the same concept. You can’t know what  _ never was.  _ You just have to believe in what you’ve got. That make sense?”

Jeff nods begrudgingly. “It does,” he says. “And I appreciate you saying it. I forget sometimes...I know we’re not very much alike, but we did both end up at Greendale. No one goes to Greendale because their life turned out how they expected it to.”

“And yet Greendale students do amazing things anyway. Because you just never know what life is going to throw you. And that’s why you  _ can’t duck out early.” _ She punches his arm lightly with each of the last four words. “The world still needs you. The Save Greendale Committee still needs you. Your students still need you.” She rolls her eyes and adds under her breath, “The Dean still needs you.”

That gets a laugh out of Jeff, and he leans forward and hugs Shirley again.

“Thank you,” he says again, sincerely. “I really, really needed that. All of that.”

“I know you did,” she says with certainty. “But maybe next time, you can come to me first? Before making another reckless, stupid decision?”

“I promise,” Jeff says, and deep in his heart, he knows it’s true. He feels connected to Shirley in a way he’s never really felt connected to anybody -- maybe because no one else has ever called him on his bullshit like this. That thought makes him smile. Of course it would be Shirley.

“Good,” she says with a nod.  _ “You. Are. Loved.  _ Never forget that.”

“Thank you,” Jeff whispers, and his gratitude is becoming almost a mantra, a litany.

“One more thing,” Shirley says, and she puts her hands on Jeff’s shoulders, looking him straight in the eye.  _ “Happy birthday, Jeffrey.”  _ She leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. 

He gathers her in another hug. It’s a long time before he lets go. 

He’s not sure what comes next, but he thinks he can face it with Shirley by his side.


End file.
